Finally Understanding
by aynat
Summary: NO LONGER UPDATED


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters except the elderly patient and Alix, the rest belong to NBC... etc...   
**Note:** I just found this site and thought it would be fun to post a story. Please review but go easy on me, I'm only 14!   
**Also:** Sorry about this before. When I copied it into a file I could upload, I forgot to redo the italics. I fixed it. Italics mean thoughts.   


> > > > ************************************************

  
Carter heard the sirens and turned to see the ambulance pulling in. He ran to help bring the stretcher off the ambulance. The patient was an elderly man, had to be nearly 70 but he was still extremely rough looking.   
Carter and the ambulance attendants pulled the man into Trauma One where Malek and another nurse were waiting. They put the man onto the bed by lifting the sheets.   
After the ambulance attendants left Carter began to examine the man. It seemed he had a heart attack. He was in V-fibe, and Carter went to intubate.   
Just when Carter was about to insert the tube Malek stopped him. He pointed to a tattoo on the mans left bicep. It said DNR: Do Not Resuscitate. Carter just stood there staring at the tattoo. Then he went to find Mark Greene, figuring he'd know what to do.   
He found Dr. Greene in the lounge. After he explained the situation to Mark, Mark told him to go ahead and intubate, then go see Kerry Weaver. 

After intubating the man Carter went to Admit to look for Kerry. He was trying to ask anyone if they knew where she was when a young girl, about sixteen, interrupted him. She asked if he knew Dr. Luka Kovac.   
"Yes I do," Carter said, "Is this an emergency?"   
"Yeah, in a way..." the girl began.   
"Well he's really busy," Carter said. "So I don't really want to bother him unless it's...." Just then Luka walked by.   
"Hey Luka..." Carter called. When he turned around Carter pointed at the girl saying she was looking for him.   
Kovac looked at the girl. "Can I help you?" He asked.   
"Uncle Luke?" The girl said in a small voice.   
Luka just looked at her for a moment. He didn't believe what was happening. "Alix...?"   
The girl nodded. He smiled and took her into his arms. Carter was looking at Luka.   
"I though everyone in your family had passed away during the war..." Carter asked.   
"So did..." Luka began but Alix interrupted him.   
"I got out. I was staying at a friends and we got away." She was talking to Luka more than to Carter. "We were able to get on a boat coming to America after we heard what happened at home..." she trailed off.   
Just then Weaver came into Admit so Carter went to talk to her about the guy with the tattoo and leave Luka and Alix alone.   
Luka gave Alix another hug and then asked, "How'd you find me?"   
"I was doing a school assignment on our family tree, so I looked up what had happened to everyone. I noticed your name wasn't listed under the deceased. I didn't think it was real." By this time Alix was crying. "I remembered how you loved medicine so I searched all hospital records in Croatia for your name but came up empty. I'd almost given up when I decided to check in America. Sure enough, I found your name continually on medical records at this hospital."   
Luka was crying now to. He couldn't believe what was happening. 

Later that day Carter found Luka sitting outside on the bench at the Emergency Entrance.   
"Hey... How you doing?" Carter asked.   
Luka looked up at him. "I'm fine... I'm... great!" Luka said as he smiled.   
Carter sat down next to him. "Where's Alix?"   
"She went to get something to eat," Luka told him.   
"She seems nice. She's your niece huh?" Carter asked. Luka nodded. "Brothers? Sisters?"   
"She was my brothers daughter. He died when she was only two along with her mother so I took her in," Luka told him. "A couple years later my wife and I had our first child. Then the war happened. She begged and pleaded to stay at her friends house one night and since the war really hadn't done anything in our area I let her go. I have never stopped regretting that decision."   
Carter put his hand on Luka's shoulder and said, "You do realize none of this was your fault, right?"   
Luka looked at him and nodded. "I know, but it is still difficult to go through life knowing the outcome. But hey, all that matters is she's alive and she's here."   
Carter smiled. Just then, Alix walked up beside them. She handed both of them a coffee and sat down beside Luka. Carter thanked her and then got up to go, but Alix stopped him.   
"You know, this morning, you got pretty much my entire life story and I didn't even get your name," she said.   
"Oh, I'm sorry," Carter said. "It's John Carter."   
"Well Dr. Carter, thank-you."   
"John please, and for what?"   
"For not trying to pry. All my life, when people hear part of my life story, they need the rest. I'm not ashamed of my history, and I'm happy to tell it, but I get sick of people always asking. Earlier, I could tell you were curious, but you just walked away... thank-you."   
"Well Alix, your welcome," John said as he turned to walk away.   
Alix looked at Luka, "He's cute!"   
Luka laughed, "Aw jeez, don't tell me your into boys already!"   
"Already? Uncle Luke, I'm nearly seventeen, believe me, I've noticed boys since middle school!"   
Luka laughed again. "So, how do you do in school?" He asked.   
"Pretty good, I'm ahead of everyone, I just graduated last month." She began to shiver, realizing it was cold outside. Luka put his jacket around her.   
"So... your interested in boys... got a boyfriend?" Luka asked looking at her out of the corner of his eye.   
"You know Uncle Luke, you haven't changed a bit!" Alix said with a laugh.   
"Well I haven't seen you in a decade... I need to catch up!" Luka stated. "So do you?"   
"No I don't have a boyfriend." As Alix said this Luka let out a sigh and she laughed at him again. 

Meanwhile, Carter was talking with Weaver again.   
"They're saying upstairs that the tattoo can be taken as a Do Not Resuscitate order," Kerry was saying.   
"But I've already intubated him. What should I do now?" Carter asked.   
"You're going to have to take the tube out Carter," Weaver told him.   
"But that'll kill him!" Carter exclaimed.   
"Well, he didn't want to be hooked up to any machines, we have to fulfill his wishes."   
"So we're going to kill him? He could have a full recovery from this. How can a tattoo count?"   
"I don't know, and believe me Carter, I fought to keep that man intubated but they're saying we have to take the tube out."   
"Well I won't do it!"   
"Carter, you don't have a choice!"   
"Dr. Weaver, with everything I've been through in the last few months, I've learned just how valuable live is, and I won't end one over some stupid tattoo!" Carter was yelling at her now.   
Keeping her calm, Kerry asked for the mans chart. Carter shoved it at her and stomped away.   
When he got outside he wasn't paying attention and he accidentally ran into Alix.   
"Oh, I'm sorry Alix, I didn't see you," Carter told her.   
"That's ok. Are you all right John?" She asked him, seeing the expression on his face.   
"No," he said flatly.   
"Well, what's wrong?"   
"Just life, and how people want to end it," John fumed.   
Alix led him over to the bench and they sat down. "What do you mean?"   
"I had this patient, and elderly man, and he had DNR, Do Not Resuscitate, tattooed on his arm. Because of that, they have to take the tube out. He won't live if they do that! After what I've gone through...." He trailed off.   
"What have you gone through?" Alix asked.   
"Never mind, you wouldn't understand," Carter told her.   
"OK, I'm not going to pry, but believe me, there are people out there who understand. And even if they don't, they can still listen." With that, she got up to go.   
When she was nearly at the door Carter looked up and said, "Rehab, that's what I've gone through."   
Alix turned around and looked at him. She walked over and sat down beside him.   
"Well, that's where I ended up at least. I had this intern, Lucy, and on Valentines Day she was killed. This man she was treating stabbed her. He stabbed me to, but I lived. To this day I don't know why." He looked up at her and saw that she really was listening and not judging him so he went on.   
"Afterwards I was in extreme pain that just wouldn't go away. I also couldn't get Lucy off my mind. I came back to work way to early, and I admit that. I began taking pain medication to just make the pain go away. If it would just go away for an hour I'd be happy. But my prescription meds just weren't working anymore, so I took some fentanyl one time. Abby, a med student at the time, saw me and reported me. They gave me a choice, go to rehab in Atlanta, or I was fired. I stormed out of there saying that I didn't need the job. I would have just walked away it Peter, a surgeon here, and one of my best friends, didn't come after me. He convinced me to go to rehab." By this time he was crying. It felt good to get it all out though. "Those ninety days in rehab were the worse time of my life, but it showed me how valuable life really is. I mean, why wouldn't you want medical help if we could save you? That man in there could have a full recovery if we leave the tube in!"   
Alix put her arms around John and let him cry on her shoulders. She was surprised at how much he was like her uncle.   
"John," she said, pulling away to look at him. "I may not have gone through that exact situation, but I know what you're talking about. When I got away from Croatia, I felt guilty for the deaths of my aunt, cousins, and my uncle, who I thought was dead. I didn't understand why I had gotten away and they hadn't. When I got here and started my life again I just wouldn't do anything. I refused to attend school, even though I still wanted to go into medicine like my uncle. I stayed in my room and cried. That lasted nearly a year before I realized that life is a precious gift, and I've been given a chance not a lot of people get. I made it through a horrible experience that nearly had me killed. I remember that after I had talked to one person about what had happened, I felt better. He reminded me that there's a reason for everything, even the bad stuff. At first I didn't even want to think about that. Why would anyone want to think that bad stuff was supposed to happen? But think about this, if bad things didn't happen to us, how would we know when something good happened?"   
John looked at Alix. He couldn't believe it, he got what she was saying. So many people tried to help him, but their words never got through to him. At least, not until now.   
_ What is it about Alix that I understand?_ John though himself. _Is it just that she has gone through something similar? Can't be. At rehab there had been so many people who tried to help me and their problems were drug related, sometimes due to losing people near them and they couldn't get through to me._   
Just then Luka came out. John quickly brushed his tears away and stood up, smiling, and finally meaning it. He whispered thank you to Alix as he walked away.   
"Hey Alix," Luka said. "I'm finally off. Why don't we go have dinner?"   
"Sounds great!" Alix said.   
"Before we go, I've got to ask... where are you living? Shouldn't you be telling whoever you're living with where you are?" Luka asked.   
"They don't care. I got mixed up in the system. I was given to a foster family who doesn't care about me, they just want the check. As long as they get that, they really don't care what I'm up to."   
"Oh come on Alix, it can't be that bad," Luka said.   
"It is. I really didn't care at first though. They weren't interested in getting to know me and I wasn't interested in letting them. Now, well now I've got you!"   
Luka smiled. "Well come on, I'm still going to call them and tell them where you are." He got up and walked towards the hospital. Alix got up and followed. 

The next day John found Luka as soon as he got to work.   
"So Luka, how old is Alix anyway?" John asked.   
"She'll be seventeen next month, why?" Luka said.   
"I was just wondering," John said. "So what did you guys do after you got off?"   
"We went out to dinner and got caught up. It was great. She stayed at my place and we just stayed up all night talking."   
John smiled, "That's great Luka."   
Luka nodded and then went to go do rounds. 

"So you think that's better?" Luka asked. He was talking to a lawyer on the phone about getting custody of Alix.   
After a moment of silence while he was listening to the lawyer he thanked him and hung up.   
Just then Dr. Greene cam in. "Hey Luka, heard about yesterday, that's great!"   
"Yeah, it is," Luka told him.   
"So, are you going to get her to live with you?" Greene asked him.   
"Yeah, she seems to want to, and God knows I want her to! I was just talking to a lawyer about and he thinks due to her age, it would be best if we made her legally emancipated," Luka said.   
"What's that mean?"   
"She would be legal, so it would be her choice. Trying to get custody of her could take over a year, and by then she would be legal already, but there's a really good chance the judge would allow an emancipate."   
"Well that sounds good, what does she think of it?"   
"I don't know, I was just going to phone her and tell her."   
"OK, I'll leave alone to do that then." With that Dr. Greene walked away. 

Since the day before Carter couldn't get Alix out of his mind. For the past twenty-four hours he hadn't even thought about Lucy, which was a first since the night out the stabbing. He couldn't understand what it was he was feeling.   
When Carter was in lounge Luka came in with Alix.   
"Hey John, mind if I hang out in here while Uncle Luke finishes up?" Alix asked him.   
His heart began to beat faster.   
_What is wrong with me? I've never felt like this towards anyone before. What could this possibly be?_ He thought to himself.   
"Not at all," he said. "I could use some company." She smiled at him.   
"OK then, I'll see you in a bit, think about what I told you ok?" Luka asked Alix, talking about the emancipate.   
"Sure, I will," Alix told him.   
"Could I ask what he was talking about?" John asked her after Luka had left.   
"I want to move in with him, but for him to get custody could take a long time, and by then I'd more than likely be legal anyways so he thinks I should get an emancipate," Alix said.   
"What's that?"   
"It'll make me legal now instead of when I'm eighteen."   
"Oh," was all John could say. His mind, however, was running a hundred miles an hour.   
_Why is she sitting that close? Could she be thinking something? No, impossible! I'm just imagining what I wish were true! What? No, I was just imagining things. Man, what is wrong with me?_   
Alix began to get uncomfortable in the silence, so she began asking John some questions.   
"So... how long have you been a doctor? You look awfully young."   
It took Carter a minute to register what Alix was asking him, but when he did he answered, "For a few years, I'm thirty."   
"Really? I could have sworn you were only about twenty-five!"   
Carter laughed and said, "Aw gee, thanks," but he was thinking, _You idiot, now you have no chance! She's only sixteen, she won't consider a thirty year-old. Man did you blow it!_   
_Wait a minute, what am I saying? Would I, a thirty year-old, consider a sixteen year-old? No, I'm not like that. I may go through quite a few relationships but I wouldn't break the law. But... if she gets that emancipate, it wouldn't be illegal. Still, what would Luka think of me...?_   
By this time Carter was getting very confused. It was like two voices were telling him what to do. He didn't know which one he really meant.   
While Carter was trying to figure out what he was thinking, so was Alix. She could tell he was worried about something, maybe confused.   
"Hey John, what's the matter, you seem... upset almost?" Alix asked.   
_Man, I can't tell her what I'm thinking, but I didn't want to tell her last night either, but I couldn't help it. What am I going to do?!?!_   
"I uh... I just have something on my mind," John said.   
"Well, what is it?" Alix asked.   
_ Oh man, here we go, I'm going to tell her, I shouldn't, she would be a great friend if I didn't do this, but I can't help it...._   
"It's you..." he began.   
"Me?" Asked Alix.   
"Yeah, see yesterday, when you were able to get me to talk, and listen... it's just, no ones been able to do that since that night. And... well... I'm just trying to figure out what it is about you that made me tell you. I think I know, but I don't know what I would do if it's true, so part of me is trying to come up with another idea. It's like a huge argument in my head." Carter told her.   
"What do you think it is?" Alix asked.   
_Alright, it's time to say it. Time to say I love her... but how can it be true? I just met her yesterday! What am I going to do if she runs to Luka about this. I know... I'm going to be stuck in this hospital for a while!_   
"I think I... oh man... I love you..." Carter didn't want to look at Alix while he said this, he didn't want to see what her eyes did, but he couldn't look away.   
When she didn't say anything he started talking to avoid the silence. "See... I realize I just met you... and that your about thirteen years younger than me... but I really do... I mean... aw jeez... I don't know what to do!"   
Carter was still sitting on the couch with Alix and he went to stand up but she grabbed his arm and pulled him down onto the couch. She slid next to him and whispered, "I'm so glad I'm not the only one with those thoughts. I didn't know what to do... God am I glad you had the nerve to do it first."   
Carter didn't believe what he was hearing. It took a while to sink in but when it did he looked at her. Her eyes were pleading with him to believe her, that she really did feel the same way. He pulled her closer and kissed, thinking that would tell him everything he needed to know.   
As they were in the embrace they heard someone outside they door so Carter quickly jumped up. Just as he stood, Luka walked into the room.   
"Hey Alix, did you think about what I said?" Luka asked.   
She gave one quick glance at Carter and then told Luka, "Yeah Uncle Luke, I think it would be a good idea to get that emancipate."   
_Is she getting that because she thinks it's the best idea, or is she getting it so she can be with me? Is there a difference?_   
"Hey Uncle Luke, is it all right if I go over to John's tonight? He had something he wanted to show me," Alix said.   
"Yeah, sure. Kerry just told me I'm on tonight anyways," Luka told her.   
Carter piped in then. "Well, if you're on all night, why doesn't Alix just stay at my place?"   
"That's fine with my, what about Alix?" Luka said.   
"Sounds great," Alix said, trying not to show just how great it was.   
"OK, I'll see you tomorrow then," and after a quick hug, Luka left.   
Carter looked at Alix and smiled. "Wow, that was interesting...."   
Alix just laughed and said they should get going. 

When they were at Carters they sat down on the couch.   
"I think we should talk about this. I mean... is this what you really want? The emancipate and everything?" John asked.   
"John, even if nothing happened between you and I, I would still get the emancipate. I want to live with Luka and it would be better if I had it because I'm out of high school now, so it might be a good idea so I can get a job," Alix told him.   
"A job, don't you plan on college or university?" John asked her.   
"Yeah, but I figured I'd take a year off to get to know Luka again..." Alix started.   
"Makes sense," John told her.   
After a moment of silence Alix looked at John. "You don't think this is wrong, right, the fact that we want to be together? You seem distracted."   
"No... God no, I know this isn't wrong... everything about me knows. I'm just wondering what Luka will do when he finds out." Carter told her.   
"Uncle Luke will be fine. All he's wanted for me was for me to be happy. God John, when you kissed earlier... I've never felt anything like..." Before she could finish he leaned in to finish the kiss they had started earlier.   
It began soft, but became hotter as John began to push Alix against the couch. When his hand slipped to the top of her jeans she stopped him.   
"What is it, you're not ready? I'm sorry..." John began.   
"John, don't worry, it's just that I've never done this before. I've always been able to hold out, and even though I really want you, I also want to wait...." Alix told him.   
"It's ok Alix, I understand. I tell you what, why don't you take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch tonight," John said.   
"No John, I'll sleep on the couch, I don't want to take your bed from you."   
"It's ok, please do."   
"OK then." 

Later that night when Alix was asleep John was standing at the door of the bedroom watching her.   
_How did this come about? One minute I can barely get through the day, the next I'm fine, and in love? What type of world do we live in?_   
Then Alix began tossing and turning, she was having a nightmare. John sat down on the bed next to her and gently shook her to wake up. When she awoke, she flung herself right into John's arms. He just held her for a few minutes until she calmed down.   
"Are you alright?" He asked. She nodded. "Ok, I'm going to go back out on the couch then."   
She reached out and grabbed his arm. "Can you stay... please?"   
He looked down at her and nodded. He slipped under the covers beside her and wrapped his arms around her. They fell asleep like that. 

The next morning when John woke up Alix was still asleep. He just laid there watching her sleep. He nuzzled her hair with his face.   
_After this I'll never be able to sleep without her in my arms again. This just feels too perfect_.   
As he was thinking this, Alix woke up.   
"Hey, what are you doing?" She asked.   
"Thinking about how I'm not going to be able to wake up without you in my arms again," He told her.   
She laughed as she rolled over to kiss him. 

> > > >   
************************************************

  


**Be sure to** watch for a follow up to this story! In the meantime, please review this story and feel free to e-mail me at unofficialcountry@goplay.com 


End file.
